Poora Naam... Vijay Dinanath Chauhan

If you love your mother's cooking, (and should you be naive enough to compare) then even a meal cooked by a 3 Michelin Star chef will seem "poor" "not-up-to-the-mark".  And that is people may not like the movie.

To all those I say this, watch Scarface.

Agneepath is, to say the least, a brilliant movie.  It is well directed, with very strong performances, a background score that gets your pulse racing, slick dialogues, Katrina Kaif, and brilliant actions sequences!

But what is left me with, were moments that give you goosebumps.  The final fight (Of course!!), Vijay's rescue of his sister, the delivery of THE dialogue of the movie, and the lynching scene.  I don't know about the technical aspects of movie-making, but I think they must have all been spot on, because the movie was a total audio-visual treat.

Its 3 hours long, the normal length of Hindi movies at one time.  And it was perfect!  The movie pulls you into its world, makes you a participant in its emotions, has you rooting for Vijay to win, wishing him to rise up, to vanquish evil.  Very old fashioned, very Hindi "masala" move, very very Indian.  I LOVE IT!

A lot though has to be said about the action.  You feel every punch, almost hear the bones cracking, and flinch with every blow.  The sight of Vijay lifting Kancha over his head, I actually leaped for joy in the theatre.  But my favourite scene is when Vijay rescues his sister.  We have forgotten to make action scenes like that anymore.  Call me foolish, but I much prefer these to the highly orchestrated, Hollywood types which we have come to accept as the gold standard now-a-days.  This is beautiful chaos.

I watched this movie sitting in the corner seat of the first row.  And I wont have it any other way.

The Office Rules for MBAs (PPT to be created soon)

(this is based on personal and friends' experiences and is so limited to MBA "types" only)

As I near 5 years in the "corporate", there are a few things that I have learnt and would now like to share.
1.  Job Satisfaction:  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
2.  Money:  Show me!  Show me!!
3.  Boss:  The Good, The Bad, The VERY Ugly.
4.  Honesty:  Unnecessary.  Dangerous.  Avoidable.  Not Expected.  (Ethics are different... they should matter!).
5.  Incompetence:  Rampant.  Awarded if Combined With Favour Flattery F***.  (Choose your morals)
6.  Sucking Up:  Necessary.  (Unless you are as good and as famous Steve Jobs AFTER he launched the iPhone).
7.  Office Gossip:  Usually the Truth.
8.  Unhappy?  Quit.  Don't Grumble.  (No one really holds a gun to your head).
9.  Loyalty:  Business Conditions Dependent.
10.  Illusions of Grandeur:  Avoid.  Someone is Always Better.
11.  Client:  Paramount.
12.  Delusional Leadership:  More Common than Thought.  Avoid Correcting.  Get OUT!
13.  Ideal Job:  Challenging, Pays Well, Learning Opportunities.
14.  Hard Work:  Will be Rewarded.  If Not, Leave.
15.  Marketing:  Essential.  If They Don't Know You, They Can't Award You.
16.  CYA:  Cover Your Ar**.  At All Times.
17.  HR:  Much Maligned.  Can't Help.  Loyalties Obviously to Business.
18.  You:  Expendable.  Asset/Liability.  No Emotions.

If I knew and accepted these things, life would have been much easier much earlier.  However, you cant avoid being irritated by incompetence being awarded.  And I may have worked with/heard of/met/known some amazingly incompetent ones.  I just might write about them sometime... should make for some scandalous reading.  :)

The porn you can tell your parents you watched...

If you think "The Dirty Picture" is a good movie, you certainly have not watched good porn!!

Because barring a few moments by Vidya Balan, this movie offers nothing except a lot of skin... and unless you are an adolescent teen with raging hormones, the skin show is excessive!  (PS for those who think this is Vidya's best performance, I don't think you have watched "Ishquiyan").  Replace the actors with B-grade cinema ones, and you have a soft-core porn movie on your hands.

The movie is predictable from before you even walk into the hall.  The skin show and sexual innuendos do shock you a bit though.  Other than that, its a very below par movie, which offers nothing of interest (unless you are interested in Vidya's ample bosom).  And for those who say they liked the story, I recommend "Tarzan X:  Shame of Jane", a far more to the point, entertaining, adult movie, with a surprisingly better story!!

None of the acting is bad but none is extraordinary either, unless you talk about Vidya and her ample thighs.  The story frustrates you with shot after shot of Vidya's (purposely expanded) ample stomach.  At one point, its a thrill to see her showing only the skin of her face and hands.  However, that does not last long, as she is back again in a time skirt showing off ample legs, tube-full of waist tires, ample posterior, and ample bosom.

And by now, if you are sick of all the description of ample body parts, imagine watching it on a huge screen for over 2 hours!  Because, eventually that is what this movie was reduced to... a skin show.  The dialogues were the kind you groan over and call "cheesy", overtly-melodramatic, stupid, and downright excruciating!!  Although, there were a few good enough for a laugh.

But in the end, all the movie does is allow you to watch a semi-pornographic movie and call it art and be able to discuss it in the open.  But make no mistakes, the only way this movies is different from the Silk Smitha or Shakeela movie that you watched growing up for "its story" is that you can tell your parents you watched this one.

P.S. I am not criticizing Vidya for being fat, I know that the role required it. 

WANTED!!! Sarcastic, caustic, mocking...

Balance is a very important aspect of all things.. in nature, food, eating, marriage, cricket, walking, friendship, etc etc...

And yes, in Facebook updates too!!!  (Now I totally love Facebook.. its a brilliant creation worthy of all the hype it gets.  If you don't think so, stop reading now.)  However, recently I have noticed a worrying trend in the updates and comments.  All of a sudden, all I see is mushy, politically very correct, overtly happy, too-much-private-information, "aww... how cute!!" kind of messages!!!  SHOCKING!!!

Shocking because its my friends whose comments I see on Facebook (well, mostly... we all have some we just have to have and don't need to have as friends).  And I know that most of my friends are not mushy, politically very correct, overtly happy, too-much-private-information, "aww... how cute!!" kind of people.  So what happened?  Marriage?  Children (one place where I believe "aww... how cute!!" has a genuine place)?  Family/Boss joined Facebook and added you?  What?  WHAT!!!?

If you are just bored and don't find it interesting, then I understand... sort of.  But if not, then I am faced with a serious imbalance in my friends circle.

What happened to the angry ones?  The sarcastic ones (my personal favourite)?  Why have all of them become all touchy-feely?  Now I don't say everyone bring the level of scepticism and anger and frustration I bring (and I do know I tend to be over-the-top at times), but you are all beginning to sound like a Karan Johar - Shahrukh Khan movie!!  And that is NOT a compliment.

The world needs balance.. Facebook needs balance!  Too much of anything is not good.. too much sarcasm is putting off too.. but right now, we have too much mush, if Facebook was a movie, right now it would be a garden with lots of flowers and fountains, and it would be raining rose petals, rivers flowing milk, really sweet candies blossoming everywhere, everyone loving everyone, a toothpaste ad, a lot of red and pink all around, a clear blue sky with a clear rainbow, and a warm gentle sun!!

Sound nice, but very very artificial!!!

So bring back the sarcasm, the caustic responses, the mocking of gushy comments, and some angry people.  Its balance... essential!

A day to cry...

March 23, 2007, India crashed out of the ICC World Cup.

I remember coming back from watching that match and updating my Gtalk status (there was no Facebook or Twitter then).

It read, "On April 2, 2011, Sachin will lift the World Cup at the Wankhede"

By the time I publish this, it will be April 2, 2011. The day we play Sri Lanka in the finals of the World Cup of the Cricket. Four years on, those words are a few hours away from coming true.

"Easy for him to say now" you might say. Yes, its easy. But not because we are now in the finals. Because I have undying faith in the destiny of that great humble man, Sachin Tendulkar. It may or may not be his last world cup. That is for him to decide. But this much I do know, tomorrow, in front of an adoring, devout, and tearful home crowd, Sachin will take India the cup for which we have waited for 28 years. Chants of "Sachinnnnnn! Sachin!!" will reverberate throughout the country as almost 1.2 billion people forget a million worries to celebrate one man and the greatness we have achieved through him.

And yes, I will cry...

What has not voting got anything to do with it???

To all you cynics of my cynicism,

Over the past few weeks, my rants, raves, complaints, insults, and questions on the increasingly disgusting performance of this government have been brought into question or countered with the one question, "Do you vote?" This is my response.

1. Vote or not, are my questions on the poor performance of this government any less valid?

2. We all complain about political leaders across with world, we don't really go electing them. Still, questioning stupidity does not require you to exercise your franchise first.

3. You will say, "we cant vote there.. here we can." Yes. Then stop with the "Don't complain about the problem if you are not/cannot be part of the solution."

4. I complain about the poor performance of this government, not how some other would have been better. I am not questioning who put them there or why. I only care for good governance. And if that is not provided, I will question.

5. And finally, all those lakhs of crores that this government is scamming, comes partly from income taxes paid by people like me. I earn it honestly and correctly and cant really evade any. So when these curses on India just swindle it away, I am bloody well entitled to ask what the hell is happening, curse them, rant and rave about it, question integrity and character.

Here I would like to point out that I am not proud of the fact that I have not voted yet. I have what I believe are valid reasons for them, but none of them justify them.

And all of you who ask me this question each time, berate me for not voting all you want, but do you have the answer to these questions? YOU voted... so you (at least by your reckoning) have the right to ask them. Why haven't you? Did your duty stop when you voted?

The Joy of Cooking...

Recently I have been ranting and raving about the current political nonsense in my country. What can I say, there is enough to bitch and moan about till the end of times.

But more importantly for me, I have also been cooking. Cooking things I did not before. And LOVING IT!!! :) (despite certain people who refuse to believe I was responsible for those dishes!!)

First, and definitely most importantly, I now know how to make AWESOME Caramel Custard!! And anytime! Made it thrice already and each time it was YUMMY!!! This is my favorite dessert!! And to be able to cook it when I want, is a joy beyond words!! The smell as it bakes in the over, the browning of the foam on top, and best of all, the caramel that flows all over it when I turn it over... its such a satisfying sight that I don't even need to eat it to enjoy it...

YA RIGHT!!! I gobble it down faster than you can think C-A- !!! :) YUMM SLURP!!! Wait... back soon...

O.K., back after eating the last one in the fridge... ahhhhh!!!

Next I baked a cake. Well, two actually. The first one one straight into thrash. But the second... well, wont say it was the greatest, but it was something, the start of great promise!! Damn it, very soon I will bake, have, and eat my own cake!! Beat that....! And then, AND THEN, one day, I will bake that perfect black forest and feed it to those Mumbai folks who say "oh please... Bombay has the black forest pastries yaaa". Damned fools!!

And finally, cream of asparagus soup... OOOH YAA!!! This weekend, I accompanied a friend to Crawford Market to help him buy fixtures for his home. And I really could not resist the sights and smells of the vegetable and fruit market there. Well, that and a shopping list from the Mrs. Anyways, I got home some luscious asparagus, broccoli, bell peppers, zucchini, parsley, basil, cherry tomatoes, iceberg lettuce, and purple cabbage.... sigh... and they were beautiful, gorgeous I tell you... alluring even!!

From the moment I saw the asparagus, I wanted to make a soup out of them. The texture, richness, flavors, delicacy, tenderness, love, care, and attraction that a good asparagus soup is... hmm... oh wait, I have some left over... be right back!!!

Lick smack and I am back! Anyways, that soup was a tasty burpy success!! And what does all this mean for my friends? It means, I am very close to throwing a party for all of you in which I will prepare the 4-5 courses my self, from scratch with the freshest ingredients available!!! So be on the lookout for that invite soon... :)

Let me end this by saying, there is a certain satisfaction and thrill in cooking that I have not seen matched in anything else!! Well.. maybe sex... :) But if you love food, try cooking... remember, as Chef Gousteau of Ratatouille says, "Anyone can cook!!" Whether you are great at it or not, is a matter to be seen. That reminds me, next stop, ratatouille!!!

My Hiking Boots

Lulled by small comforts, disarmed by laziness,

To compare was stupid I thought;

The peak is not my desire, I decided,

And walked merrily around.

Other challenges lay across the path,

And overcoming them I felt proud;

Decided who cares for the peak,

Anyways its warm and sunny down.

And I met people here, lots,

Who shared my dream, my beliefs;

So I decided this was for the best,

And threw away my hiking boots.

Now my heaven is crowded, the water muddled,

The grass all dried, the air stale;

The peak now is farther but bright,

As I set out to look for my hiking boots.

Books I Could Write...

Based on my limited experiences, here are title of books that I think I wish to write:

1. Farewell Emails - Some Sweet, Some Caustic, and Mostly the Stupid (Volumes I - X)

2. Things to do When I Become a CEO

3. Things I Thought I Would do When I Became a CEO

4. "I Let My Wife Pick the Curtains" - A Survival Guide

5. 101 Ways to Motivate Motivated People

6. 1001 Excel Sheets to Make You Appear Smarter (but do not really add any value)

7. "My TV, My Remote" - Why You Never Keep the TV in the Bedroom

8. "In the Beginning, There Was Food"

9. "NO I WILL NOT STAND IN A QUEUE, I am an Indian"

10. 10001 Excuses to Give Your Wife When Asked if You Love Her More or Cricket

11. "In-laws!! I Love You!"

12. Tourism by Food

I might never write books on these, but I do promise (you can wrinkle your brow in concern) that I will blog, text, tweet, FB status update, give unsolicited advice, or anything else I can on these issues in the future... :)

My Favorite Eating Experiences...

I love food... and the whole experience that goes with enjoying it. This got me thinking of what my favorite experiences have been and what I would recommend others to definitely try. So here is a list of them. Of course, these are limited by my experience and personal taste. Delhi figures predominantly because, well, it is the best place to eat in India! (a pity Delhi people are stuck on Butter Chicken, Dal Makhani, and Kadhai Paneer). Anyways... here goes...

1. "Walk and eat" experience: Roast corn or peanuts on a cold Delhi night. The feeling of that hot corn/peanut in your cold hands, the crispness of the air, makes for a beautiful experience!

2. "Idli Vada Sambhar": Dwaraka in Kochi... the aroma of that soft idli and crispy dipped in that big bowl of not-too-spicy sambhar is a true god's meal in God's Own Country!! Although I last ate there 7 years ago.

3. "Idli Chutney": A small idli shop outside Kadur railway station. It has the freshest of the hot idlis soaked in an impossibly yummy chutney!! There is a huge difference between idli sambhar and idli chutney. Hence separate categories.

4. "Paranthas": Paranthewali galli in Delhi. Paranthas stuffed with every possible yummy filling in those narrow lanes filled with a thousand beautiful aromas... and served with much love!!

5. "Kababs": Way ahead of kababs served hot and fresh in Mohammad Ali road during Ramzaan... its a non-veg food lover's delight overall!! But the kababs, are awesome, the juiciness, the spices, the tenderness, the aromas, the environment, and of course, the love with which it is served!!! Part of a much larger experience...

6. "Kababs": Lucknow's "Tunde waale Kababs" make it compulsory to have two entries for kababs!! Their taste is undefinable... just that in your mouth, they orchestrate the most beautiful music!!!

7. "Chaat": The chaatwaala next to the UPSC building in Delhi. Reach early, be careful how spicy you want the chaat, try everything, and if you are early in the winters, try out the best gulab jaamun you can sink your teeth into!!

8. "Matre waali Chaat": Meerut, possibly the best overall city for chaats!! This chaat is served hot and very spicy with a kulcha to cut out the spiciness. Not for the faint of the tongue!! You won't be able to stop eating, the taste will linger four hours, and the memory, mouth-wateringly forever!!

9. "Chowmein": Roadside Matador Vans in Delhi. This very Indian noodles, full of all sorts of things you don't want to know about cooked over a fast flame and served very hot is best served by those converted Matador Vans serving all around Delhi. Not sure if there are any left.

10. "Raan": ITC Maurya Sheraton, Delhi. A succulent delightful whole leg of lamb... eating it is an experience and a mission rolled into one!! Lots of very hungry foodie friends needed!!

11. Mango Shake: Haji Ali, Mumbai. The place is famous for it, and rightly so (unlike most Mumbai places which are more hype than reality). Tick mango shake topped with large chunks of mango in the hot and humid Mumbai summers!!

12. "Lemon Ana": Munchees, Anjuna, Goa. Lemon and coriander and ice and (I think) sugar... best drink ever to beat tiredness, sadness, thirst, or anything else that needs fixing! Happiest drink ever!! (Yes, happier than Tequila too)

13. Strawberry and cream: Panchgani, Maharashtra. Fresh season strawberries in fresh creamy creamy cream!! Indulgence at its best!!

14. Chicken "Cafreal": Florentine, Goa. This very Goan of dishes, spicy, large pieces of chicken eaten with the local 'pao'. A delight for all senses!! Don't miss it if you are in Goa!!

15. Shark "Ambotik": Martin's Corner, Goa. Better know for its crab, I prefer this joint for the shark 'ambotik', a spicy shark curry best eaten with rice!!

16. "Biriyani": Hyderabad. You take your pick either its from Hyderabad House, Bawarchi, Paradise, or wherever... (personally, I prefer Bawarchi). Mix in salan to add spice or rayata to cut it. For me, Hyderabadi biriyani is about the flavor of the rice, not the meat!!

17. "Falooda": Lucknow, Agra. For those who think falooda is just an accompaniment for kulfi, you never had falooda in Lucknow or Agra. The sweet silkiness and wonderful flavors!! While there, you might also want to try out 'rabdi' and 'imerti'.

18. "Peda": Mirapur, UP. Move aside Mathura, Rajastha, Dharwad, or any other place that claims to have the 'world's best peda'!! In the small town of Mirapur, north or Merrut in in UP, there is a small shop with no name in a small lane that you know about only if you have ever gone there. Its the most divine piece of sweet that I have ever consumed!! No comparison. No match. If I had to pick one thing to eat anytime of the day, this would be it! BEAUTY!!

19. Maggi: Uttaranchal. Our simple household maggi has a unique taste... maybe its the water, maybe the vessel, don't know what it is. But on a cold (and better, rainy) day in the mountains amongst the abode of the gods and one of the most beautiful places in the world, that simple maggi is elevated to greatness.

20. "Bante-waala soda/ nimbu-paani": Anywhere where you get them. Remember that soda bottle with the marble as a cap? I love it when that marble is popped and that soda is mixed with the masala and lime juice!! On a dry hot day, its a total god-send!!

21. "Gol-gappas": Chikamagalur, Karnataka. As this whole blog is about eating experiences, none match up to this one. They were not the best gol-gappas in the world. Just onions and peas stupped into the puris with mildly spicy water (and for some weird reason a touch of camphor). But I had awesome, hungry friends all ready to prove a point who can eat the most. 50 - 60 - 100... at Rs. 0.25 for 1, it was very affordable for engineering students, us poorest of the poor!!

The Movie Destroyers...

I love going to the movies... and not just for the popcorn... For me, watching a good movie in the theater is one of the most satisfying experiences in life. But as is the case with all good things, there is always something that will try to ruin it for you... in this case, pesky people! (again, not counting bad popcorn)

These 'pesky people', who for some reason have decided to ruin your movie watching experience, can be classified into the following classes:

1. The "unPunctuals" - Never on time, and for some reason, never know their seat number. They will trample on your toes (and mostly not ever care), bump into you, kick your seat, ask your YOUR seat number, how long since the movie started, and has the famous song/scene come and gone yet, etc... you know the type I am talking about!!

2. The "ilovemyPhones" - Its understandable... there are people in this world who are too busy to switch off their phones for two hours. Like the girl during Inception who just had to discuss the tiny scratch under Tina's latest handbag's buckle... or young boy who could not wait another 50 minutes for The Prince of Persia to finish before discussing the new girl who joined college the day before, or the businessman who decided that 40 minutes into The Dark Knight was the best time to discuss the rates of PVC pipes. And of course, there are those who are on the phone guiding the ones who were late to their seats.

3. The "beenheredoneThats" - Of course... you watched the movie just yesterday and know everything that is about to happen before it does. Congratulations Nostro!! Now shut up and stop ruining the movie for me!!!

4. The "willCurserers" - Any action thriller will have a bunch who will 'f***', 'd***', 's***', 'OMG! OMG!' on every and any scene. Even the credits. After some time, its gets too much to tolerate.

5. The "dialougeRepeaters" - Mostly in comedies... any punch line, and these people will have to repeat the whole thing before setting on a very very loud and distracting laugh! Please... we are not stupid here... we got what they said the first time around!!

6. Parents: Parents who think that in a movie theater, they are excused from parenting responsibilities. Let the children shout, make noise, cry for popcorn (hey!!), or a thousand things that children do... and should do. But parents, please keep them quite!! And if the baby is crying, please take it outside. Its noisy and dark in here... and cold.

7. The "familyPlanners" - GET A ROOM!!! I swear there was this couple next to me during the movie "Race" who, if the movie had gone on for another 30 minutes, would have been celebrating the birth of their child 9-10 months later!! They just might have.. I dont want to think about it!!!

8. The "Comparers" - There are those who will compare the movie/actor/story to another. I once heard a particularly bright group of girls discuss if Shah Rukh Khan would be better as Joker than Heath Ledger!!! AAARGHHH!!!!!!

9. The "Talkers" - They talk because of cannot shut up. And they will discuss everything, from the number of peas eaten in the afternoon to the latest boy/girl their parents set them up with for a prospective marriage!!

If you are one of these, please try to understand, for most people, movie watching is a happy experience. Please dont spoil it for them!! And for god's sake!!! Switch off that damn phone!!

The farewell email...

For the last 4-5 months, I (or at least my mailbox) have had the misfortune of receiving enough farewell emails to create a 10 volume book titled "Farewell Emails - Some Sweet, Some Caustic, and Mostly the Stupid - Part I". Total bestseller material!!

Anyways, seeing all those emails, I tried to write the big-momma of all farewell emails. Please note, any resemblance to YOUR farewell email is only because of your lack of imagination and oversensitive and 'touchy-feely' nature!! That and copy paste functions on your laptop.

Here goes...

Hey all you people I don't know but want to bid this painfully irritating farewell to,

As most of you know (most likely from the subject line of this email only), today is my last day our wonderful organization. Never mind that you overheard me bitching in the toilet about the boss and latest MIS brainwave excreted by some overzealous MBA - Jack, Jill, you ass kissers!! But honestly, barring the daily 25 percent of office time I spent cribbing about everything office, I have had a wonderful time! I learnt so much! ;) Made so many new friends, who I might wish on Facebook on their birthday next year. Not to forget the growth, in kilos and inches from all the pizzas at the wonderful team outings during office hours - team building rocks!!!

Let me take this opportunity to tell you, in a manner very inappropriate for a formal email, how much I love you. Yes you all... especially Rapunzel, you are DA BOMB!!! And of course, all you other cartoons, Shrek, Tom, Jerry, Rumpelstiltskin, Pinocchio. And last but not the least, special mention, my 'buddy', Micky Mouse... what would I have done if you did not tell me where the toilet was!! Thank you all so much... I love you!!! Mwaaah!!!!

These past 7 months, where I found the time to add 117 of you on Facebook and fall in love with, have been the best of my file. These were the best moments of my life that I will never forget and will cherish forever. Forget my marriage, college graduation, nephew's first birthday, and parents' 25th wedding anniversary. Its all about these seven month here... right now!!

And finally, to all my mentors, guides, bosses, manager, who have tried to work me to death in these seven months, I owe you so much. How can I ever pay the 'gurudakshina' for all the yelling, intimidating emails, appraisal-related hints to improve my sucking-up skills, and the late nights in office to prepare a PPT to celebrate the birth of five puppies to the CEO's pomeranian Augustine Brutus Julius IIIrd. Such cutie pies!!! Kootchie koo !!! Kootchie koo !!!

As I bid farewell and come towards the end of what is turning out the be the longest email I have written in these sexy seven months here, I cannot hold back the one tear rolling down my eye on to the key board (sniff sniff..... ). I remember all those two hour coffee breaks, the morning and evening gossip sessions, all those lovely, complex, and baseless Excel sheets I filled! Honestly, I struggled with the decision of leaving all you lovely people for a much higher paying, foreign posting, satisfying job that I am going to. It is the hardest decision of my life... even more than deciding what to order on our last team dinner (with DRINKS!!) :D.

In the end, all good things much come to an end. And this is the end of my journey with you all. Wish me the best of luck as I stride out to meet uncertainty and hope in my new job. Wait for at least three months before sending me your CV... hahahaha...

Love, hugs, kisses, tears, and forever yours,

Courage - The Cowardly Dog

How perspective changes after marriage

One weekend at home, I was discussing with my wife what cushions we should get for our new divan (well... old double mattress cut into two piled one over the other). And it then struck me, I was discussing CUSHIONS!!! How things change after marriage... here are a few things that came to my mind immediately then... I am sure this requires further elaboration!! Soon maybe... the missus willing ...

1. 11 p.m. is late
2. A big group of girls is noisy
3. The occasional Karan Johar movie is watchable
4. Two glasses of wine is enough for the night
5. Cushion covers matter
6. Cushions matter
7. Cheese is not healthy
8. Family functions are enjoyable
9. It not cool to watch FTV... even for the clothes...
10. Weekends are not for lazing around

What Am I? old poem

What Am I?

Rejoicing a life of illusion,
I thought myself to be something;
One who was different, great,
I was to myself in this living.

Bound for highest highs,
Despite all the lowering lows;
An enchanting personage,
Meant for honour and bows.

But so long only can last,
A life of self deceit and aggrandisement;
Taking away my rosy glasses,
Truth endows me with disappointment.

Life once made me proud,
With all its believed greatness and gaiety;
Comes to me as worthless,
For me I now feel, not sorrow but pity.

Await the Tide... another old poem...

Await the Tide

It was a glorious voyage, Joyous, beautiful and happy; In the long miles of age, To the star of destiny. This life as my vessel, I sailed the sea of time; To knowledge’s dwell, And thoughts fine. The calm of childhood, Far away from me, blew; Youth with a change of mood, Set my course, strange and new. Stranded on the sands of failure, Of the beach I so desired to avoid; My soul readies the sails for the future, Looking within, as I await the tide.

My Journey... a poem...

A poem I just found... something I had written around 10 years ago...

O God, where might you be now,

When in my memories you I remember?

To you with folded hands, lowest bow,

Seek guidance through life’s meander.

O Friend, where now do you dwell,

That my eyes fail your sight?

I want for me you to tell,

That my path is safe and right.

O Brother, do you hear my voice,

Across the lands, over mountains high?

I am ready and made my choice,

Pack my bags, the journey is nigh.

O Love, to you a question I now ask,

As I set out, will to stride;

Will you for me, do one small task,

Take my hand, in this journey of life?

"Beta, listen to us... we have lived longer..."

As an Indian child, you hear these words from the day you are born... till however long your parents are around to tell them to you.

And it applies to everything in your life... food, clothes, TV shows, best cricketer, the underwear suited best to you, haircut, lack of haircut, people you want to be friendly with, people you don't want to be friendly with... and of course the biggest one... who you marry!

Marriage... the biggest of all the biggest challenge in the life of any free thinking liberal Indian (there is a reason our numbers are dwindling!!) My salute of those who have managed to fight it... even if you may not have survived, at least you fought...

Here is the thing... parents educate their children, give them the best of facilities, provide all possible opportunities, and feel proud when they become independent; "O Ji, khud ke pairon pe khada ho gaya hai... MNC vich kaam karta hai... dollar salary!!" And then...

WHAM!!!

"Bacche, its time for your marriage... 'we know this boy/girl... meet her...' 'milne mein kya problem hai...' 'shaadi karne ko thodi keh rahe hain...' 'our families go way back...' 'remember, its the families that get married...' 'we have seen her/him since they were little... perfect match for you' "

Well... lets see the merit of the above comments:

1. 'we know this boy/girl... meet her...': I know enough boys/girls too... does not mean I want to marry each of them. And did you ask me if I already like someone?

2. 'milne mein kya problem hai...' (what is the harm in meeting?): Well the simple problem is, sometime down the line, I educated myself that young girls/boys are not show pieces to pick out. Besides, I don't want to get into another argument with you as to why I do not want to marry the person who you have already picked out for me. You taught me to not look at the negative in people... remember?

3. 'shaadi karne ko thodi keh rahe hain...' (we are not asking you to marry her now): Ya right!! The moment I say "I like her/him" you will be calling up to find out the finger size, waist, bust, shoulder, leg measurements... and start planning your shopping visits to 1000 cities in over a 100 countries for 1,000,000 things that you need to buy. 999,893 of those are things I can do without.

4. 'our families go way back...': So? If they are such good people and you like them so much, invite them for dinner! Why get me married to their child???

5. 'remember, its the families that get married...': Oh really? So after marriage you wont mind of my spouse's family was in my house all the time demanding things of me? Or if we spent each of the festivals together? If I invite my 100 separate in-laws to all your functions, birthdays, watch the match on your new imported big screen TV? Oh and just of curiosity, you guys are not planning to sleep with my spouse's family I hope... just confirming... since you too are now "married"!!

6. 'we have seen her/him since they were little... perfect match for you': So tell me, you have been following his/her progress at each step since you first saw them in diapers? And for that matter, did YOU tell your parents everything you did when you were young? So no... you do not know that person well enough. And you do not even know me well enough, I grew an identity of my own you know! So, you are really not in a position to say who is a perfect match for who.

This is not everything... but it gives a good idea of what Indian kids go through... and these are the ones who agree to an arranged marriage!! God forbid, you do that one sin that makes you the worst child ever... you find a life partner for yourself... "chee chee... naak katwa di" (yuck... destroyed our reputation). But for that, another blog... another time... soon.

P.S. I personally have nothing against an arranged marriage. It has as much of a possibility of working as a love marriage. I do not like the way the way its done.

Also, I have tried to keep this as gender neutral as possible. My apologies if I slipped somewhere.

The Murder of the TV...

I love watching TV... however, off late its getting more and more painful to enjoy the fruit of Mr. Baird's efforts. And here is list of top 10 reasons:

1. F.R.I.E.N.D.S.: Don't know why they keep showing that noise. Wasn't it enough that it went on for 10 painful seasons, that now they have to torture us with reruns on every English channel???

2. Genelia D'Souza Ads: Any ad with her in it!! Its unbelievable how irritating she is in ads despite being a real cutie otherwise.

3. Fairness Ads: They just highlight, bold, put in double-quotes, and double underline the fact that we are a racist, slave of the white-skin people. Shallow too.

4. Cell Phone Ads (only the new lesser know ones): The stupidity of these ads is just unbelievable!! How they were not banned for insensitivity and condemned for lack of any decent imagination is beyond me. And they have some of the biggest stars in them...

5. IPL Commentary: While not an IPL fan, I don't really mind if its on TV and may watch it from time to time. What I cannot tolerate is that commentary!!! Stupid stupid stupid!! And even more stupidity... and then some more stupidity.. and stupider... and stupidest.. and stupidestest ... (you get the idea)

6. Breaking News: Do you really care if they found the police commissioner's lost dog? REALLY!?!?!?!?!

7. Reality TV Shows (specifically the music channels and all those sing dance shows): Why do we want to see stupid young boys and girls act all grown up and bitch about each other? Or old stars tell jobless youth and kids with overambitious parents why they are so wonderful, great, etc. etc... just before kicking them off the show.

8. Baby Ads: Please don't show the babys' bottoms!! Come on people... what is wrong with you!! That baby will grow up one day and the world would have seen its butt!!!

9. Deodorant Ads: I agree that their semi-pornographic nature will appeal to the testosterone charged adolescent young boys, but is it TV material? At least show them after 10 p.m.

10. Bad Cartoons: Whatever happened to the great cartoons of my childhood? Now all you see are Japanese cartoons with story lines to beat any of the crappy soap-operas (or F.R.I.E.N.D.S.). Too much mushy love and all that stuff. Too much good and bad... right or wrong. Whatever happened to violence and thrashing that your parents cannot stop you from watching??

I am leaving out all soap operas because they ... because they... well just because!! They suck!!

O.K. now... I am off to watch one of the few genuine entertainments on TV... Tele Shopping shows!!! Let me at those crystals, bracelets, exercising machine, slimming options, fattening options... and length augmenters....

Food ooohhhh foooddd!!!!

I am a passionate person. Passionate about cricket, movies, Goa, my wife (of course!), and about a million other things. But most of all I am passionate about food! Nothing thrills me more than food (sorry to the Missus). And good food. Lots of variety of good food! Yummy, tasty, delicious, slurpy, mouth-watering food!! Beautiful, gorgeous, hot and sexy, orgiastic food!!! You get the idea... :)

It was in the time during my post graduation days in Goa that I really started to fall in love with food. Here were two years when I had a wide variety of eating choices and just enough money to go try them all out. And try them all I did! And fell head over heels in love!!!

Food is never about the quantity, or fulfilling hunger... its a desire! An adventure... each aroma a beautiful invite to that adventure... each new flavor taking you to a place you have never been before... and each bite, a thrill!

I am not a critic.. or a major connoisseur of food. I don't even claim to have a highly developed palate. I just believe that a well made dish is great food. Even a well set bowl of curd is a great dish. I enjoy the simplicity of a home made meal and the complexity of a fine dining restaurant. I enjoy eating from the road-side 'gaadi' or the fancy 5-star. Good food is good food. Does not matter how much or how little you have to pay for it. It is always worth it. A beautiful experience...

Food! Love it, cherish it, nurture it, care for it, caress it, feel it... it will always make you happy! I would know... :)

The Balloon man!!!

On my way back from a movie theater today, I crossed a balloon seller... there he was, a 50 something year old pulling along a large helium tank, old dirty clothes, and a hopeful eye on everyone passing by. This was not the first time I saw him and this will not be the last one.

I have never bought a balloon from him, because I considered it a waste of money. This after I just spent Rs. 200 on a movie ticket and another Rs. 250 for popcorn and coke. The balloon costs Rs. 10.

Each time I see him I wonder how much he must earn. Is it enough for him to feed his family? Does he have a family? How far does he travel to sell these balloons? Where does he stay? And many more such questions that my relative economic comfort gives me the luxury of.

And then wonder how much of what I spent on the movie would be enough for the balloon man's monthly expenses. And how much would my spending Rs. 10 help him. What can I do to help him out? Can I alone make a difference in his life?

At the same time I wonder about my last weekend's expenditure. The expense on the latest whim. Why can't I lead a simpler life? Why whatever I earn is only just enough?

I don't have the answer to all these questions. And what worries me more is that these questions only come to my mind when I see the balloon man. Maybe next time I will stop and ask these to him. Maybe he will have all the answers.