Thursday, January 5, 2012

The Office Rules for MBAs (PPT to be created soon)

(this is based on personal and friends' experiences and is so limited to MBA "types" only)

As I near 5 years in the "corporate", there are a few things that I have learnt and would now like to share.
1.  Job Satisfaction:  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
2.  Money:  Show me!  Show me!!
3.  Boss:  The Good, The Bad, The VERY Ugly.
4.  Honesty:  Unnecessary.  Dangerous.  Avoidable.  Not Expected.  (Ethics are different... they should matter!).
5.  Incompetence:  Rampant.  Awarded if Combined With Favour Flattery F***.  (Choose your morals)
6.  Sucking Up:  Necessary.  (Unless you are as good and as famous Steve Jobs AFTER he launched the iPhone).
7.  Office Gossip:  Usually the Truth.
8.  Unhappy?  Quit.  Don't Grumble.  (No one really holds a gun to your head).
9.  Loyalty:  Business Conditions Dependent.
10.  Illusions of Grandeur:  Avoid.  Someone is Always Better.
11.  Client:  Paramount.
12.  Delusional Leadership:  More Common than Thought.  Avoid Correcting.  Get OUT!
13.  Ideal Job:  Challenging, Pays Well, Learning Opportunities.
14.  Hard Work:  Will be Rewarded.  If Not, Leave.
15.  Marketing:  Essential.  If They Don't Know You, They Can't Award You.
16.  CYA:  Cover Your Ar**.  At All Times.
17.  HR:  Much Maligned.  Can't Help.  Loyalties Obviously to Business.
18.  You:  Expendable.  Asset/Liability.  No Emotions.

If I knew and accepted these things, life would have been much easier much earlier.  However, you cant avoid being irritated by incompetence being awarded.  And I may have worked with/heard of/met/known some amazingly incompetent ones.  I just might write about them sometime... should make for some scandalous reading.  :)

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